Monday, March 28, 2011

One of those days... or months?

Today was one of those days.
When your not yet 3 year old won't leave her little brother alone, won't leave the poor dog alone, won't leave YOU alone...
When your 10 month old is still getting over a cold and doesn't want to sleep even though his eyes are so red rimmed and he can't stop crying.
When you have piles of dishes in the sink and piles of toys on the floor.
When your eyes are so tired they water all day (with a few tears mixed in I'm sure) and your little girl won't take a nap so you don't get to either.
When your same little girl feeds the dog half a package of licorice (hey, at least she tells me exactly what happened).
When your mind is going a million miles a minute thinking about things you can't do anything about today and you just want to shut it off....

It was one of those days. But it seems like this whole month has been one of those days. I don't know what has been my problem lately, but I haven't been sleeping well and this weekend I was an emotional wreck (partially has to do with hormones). It seems like everything under the sun made my eyes start to water. I am usually a very positive person, but just couldn't pull myself out of it for a little while. I guess I just needed a good cry like we women tend to every now and then. Barrett was sweet and took me out for ice cream after Caleb finally went to bed. But I haven't been able to shake the feeling of being overwhelmed, of being lonely, of being tired of being needed every second of the day.

I hate feeling like this because I KNOW how many wonderful blessings I have and thank the Lord for them every day. I think about other people I know of who have such enormous trials and still remain strong and I know mine seem like nothing compared to theirs. But I also know that every person has trials of their own and they are hard for them. So I guess this is one that is hard for me. The frustration I feel with myself for yearning for more than I have and not being satisfied with my relationships. Allowing myself to be hurt by a friend who would never intentionally hurt me, but somehow does. Trying so hard to be better all the time and falling backwards. Again. Letting the "grumpy mom" talk to my children instead of the kind, patient one. And crying every time I think about it.

But even though it has been one of those days, I always know where to turn. I am so thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that I have a loving Father in Heaven who knows all my needs and loves me more than I know. I am so unbelievably grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ, who suffered all things so that he would know how to succor me in my times of need. Even though my hurt is very small in comparison, it is a real hurt and only He understands it.
"There’s no doubt that the world’s conditions create many forms of despair, but none are beyond the reach of the Redeemer to heal. All of us can have the sure hope that through the Atonement of Christ our hearts can be bound up and made whole." Georges A. Bonnet, "To Bind Up the Brokenhearted", Ensign, March 2011, 10